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Friday, 25 October 2013

Internet dating?

So, we all know what happened back in January, we don't need to go there. We shall look at the things that have gone on since.... Na we won't we will be looking at Internet Dating! I just don't get it.
Seriously I don't. I have several friends that say its amazing and works for them. Then I actually sit and thought about it and ah you're all girls! Okay that sound's sexist, what I actually mean is they are all female.
An they have had a great time on this internet dating thing.
Met the right guy or a guy, met the wrong guy several times and then found someone they can spend time with.
Now me, I'm a bloke that is fairly obvious by the name, but someone convinced me to join you have seen it its all over the telly wiith adverts and everything explaining how they will find you the perfect match for you.
Well 5 days in and 14 emails later. No one. But you have had 14 emails surely there is someone interested?
Yeah that's the thing isn't it, 14 emails in 4 days sounds a lot, when you actually read the emails you discover that they are all spam. "Hi this is my email address email me here with what you're looking for an I Will send you my pictures". Why not put one on the site?
Then there is the lists, you search through, so you put in your location, the range and you let it do the rest............. and the results are Camden. Hang on I'm 120 miles away from Camden and I put in I wanted a 50 mile radius? Nope Camden is the closest person of the total of 12 we think you'll get on with.
So you look at the profile any way, oh you match me because you like music. Okay, what music oh dance, okay I can cope with that and your other interests are oh nothing similar to me at all.
Okay lets try this, 50 miles, not online with photo?
Ah 452. Okay thats better lets have a wander....... So your into music ace, you like rock music thats a good start, you work as a hairdresser okay I can cope with that your looking for someone that earns 150K a year and is hardly around. Oh. Really! Firing above your station a bit there.
Keep wandering... Oh I know her, went to school with her. Saw here in town the other day... Oh look non of you smoke... Oh look you don't want to meet smokers.... So why did she cadge a fag of me the other night then?
Ah the lies unfold and the tales carry on, then you think I should really see when they were actually last online.... Oh over two months ago..... Okay that wasn't worth my time either. Ah well will just sit here and watch my profile get viewed for a couple more days........ Yeah I am being looked at a fair bit, still no emails though...... Shall have a wander and see what these people that looked at me are into, ah you like music, oh your a teacher, oh you want a high paid ceo of some company, ah you want to travel the world...........
Yeah this goes on for 4 days maybe 5 I forget how long this went on for. Wasn't quite a week I will be honest.
I was so sick of getting spam emails from faceless no ones and realising that as an alternative I have long hair, I wear a trench coat, I listen to rock music, I have a bad boy image but am a kind hearted loving soul yeah the insides don't match the outsides okay. I left the site.

So I wander again, now I miss the old days of dating, going to the pub, hitting a club and chatting to someone and getting to know them, getting a phone number and then arranging to meet for coffee, chatting a bit more and seeing if you clicked.
Yeah once you get into your 30's this gets a bit harder to do and especially in a small town.
I used to hang out with a lot of girls most of my friends are female after all and so I never got hit on much unless I broke away from the pack to talk to someone that stood out to me.

Now I am an old internet user, I have been on here since the mid 90's when it first exploded, so don't get me wrong internet dating have kind of worked for me in the past.
But not internet dating sites. This was my first time on one. I have several wonderful friends I have met over the years through the internet, be it from blog writing, the old style profile sites where everyone could talk to everyone, like face party or look its me, to the old yahoo chat rooms.
Yet these are like bars, you wander in you sit down, you watch the chat go by and you kind of join in, or you sit singing to yourself ah yahoo that was fun......
This is the thing though this was how things were done.

Now Facebook I have now accepted I have to be on facebook to keep in touch with people. Though I will say this my phone number has never changed in the last 10 years and so all you have to do is text me and I would have talked to you or replied to my texts. I don't need to be on facebook to keep in touch with people, face book wasn't around 10 years ago and we all kept in touch fairly well. Actually facebook may now have been around 10 years actually but then it wasn't big till about 4 years ago maybe 5.

Moving forward the dates. They aren't as much fun now either, people don't talk they sit checking there phones or replying to emails or texts and are trying to hold half a conversation with them.

So attraction, what is it? Well it is firstly visual, then mental. You see you think wow and then you try, an if you fail you go okay try again. If you wander long enough eventually you will find someone that likes the look of you to. Thats how it works and yes you may talk and your brain may go erm no. it may all fall to bits and you pick yourself up and carry on once more, then you eventually find someone that you want to be with and they want to be with you and you just hope and pray that they feel the same. This is dating at its roots, kissing all the frogs to find your princess.... Yes reversed metaphor.

Love is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Which can be faked with chocolate.

Anyway carrying on. Dating isn't about sex, it's about bonding, finding mutual ground, discovering the other. An what I find with the whole internet dating is you only find out what they want you to learn.
Now I am an old school internet geek, Yes you have a profile but how much of it really true?

Personally I don't lie, I am always honest a little cryptic but always honest. So my profile says exactly who and what I am what I do where you can find me and so on.
The average profile I read and this is true of the people I know or have known while I was on there and there are a few, were all in our 30's and were all struggling to find a life as the world collapses around you, everyone settled down to early ended up with the wrong person and then it all went wrong type of thing. An I have talked to a few of these girls and yeah they do lie a bit because the are trying to catch the perfect guy.
Though in my head if you started out with lies then there will always be lies which isn't such a perfect world to be in and then your back to the same problems once more.

I never settled down my self, I wasn't a player I was just searching for that one.
Always honest if someone fell for me and I didn't feel it I told them, was always an I like you, and you are awesome but I don't think I love you.
How did I know? If they weren't there I wasn't thinking about them.
I was probably already looking for my next possible girl. One of my old friends who I adored talking to, thought was very pretty and had great taste in music, head was screwed on and I am hoping so much she is married now and settled and happy as she deserved it so much, I tried to love. I did, but it just wasn't there, we kissed once, I felt nothing. I apologised blamed the beer and we never talked about it again, the last time we talked was after the september 7th thing. I was just making sure she was okay. Didn't ask anything else, right I digressed sorry, started thinking about an old friend.

An this could be my issue I am not a trusting person. Been burned a few times you have to work at being my friend in order to be my partner and if you can't be a friend you can't be my partner. An if I don't feel it, I am not likely to miss you.

Besides that internet dating is that isn't it, people want everything to move so fast and you can't get the measure of a person from a few emails, it's once more looking at the picture going yeah your hot (I am not hot I am average) and then trying it on, and hoping you click. An of course in words on a screen you can spend the time thinking of what to write, what to say and where to go before the hole thing eventually falls to bits as you have to meet and then you chicken out or aren't the person you said you were and while this is going on you have built the picture of the person in your head and it just don't match.

An me, well, me I'm the same guy online as I am off.
I have been broken once and will probably be again if I am unlucky, but thats how it is.

Though I will keep trying to find the right person for me out there, though it probably won't be through online dating again.