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Sunday, 20 October 2013

trying to break the cycle

I remember happiness, very clearly, very much so, this time last year I was so happy and so content it was stupidly unreal. Everything was going right, well nearly everything I Was still struggling to find a new job, wasn't really a case of trying to find a new job I was applying for any and everything, it was more a case of trying to find a company that could see past the present job I do and would take me on as what they needed.
I do give my present job some credit though, as it gets so quiet and lonely here in the week when the kids are at school it gives me time to study and learn new skills, though I feel this might be where I am going wrong. I don't know I just keep adding skills and qualifications to my CV as I have so little else to do and my mind is always racing, and raring to learn new things. I do this to occupy my time as with the present work life of constantly at work I fail to be around much, working every weekend wears me out quiet a lot and having to be in work by 10am on a Saturday and Sunday morning means late nights on Fridays and Saturdays don't happen as I just end up feeling tired and rough and that is no way to act around customers.
Work ethic is heavy in me, do my job and do it to the best of my abilities always.
So why am I writing this now?
Because I just want to get it out of my system. There is so much I have been struggling with this year, this has been the bane of my year failing to be free to be me. To allow me to expand my friends, meet new people, and try to get my life into some kind of order.
The constant pressures on me to do my job and stop moaning from my parents is what dragged me down, made me depressed and eventually destroyed my world. A world I would do anything for to get back.
That perfect place in my universe where everything was right.