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Monday, 18 November 2013

I'd like to be..... me?

I'm a problem fixer. That is what I do I fix other peoples problems.
People talk to me about their problems and I listen and I parrot it back to them in different words so they can hear what they are saying and then can work it all out for themselves. 
Thats what I do and as soon as you take away other people from my life I sit trying to work out my own.
An well my own life, isn't that exciting. Yeah I have issues but I used to not talk about them, generally because I was to busy dealing with everyone else. 
An thats it as the world moves forward and you fix these things they no longer need you to do it for them.
So you kind of run out of people to talk to. As well if you only came to me in the first place to walk you through the problem then there isn't much left on the other side.
So now the problem is over you have normal conversations and then these just fizzle out and the silence sets in and I get bored, so I start to dissect myself in order to fix my own problems. An I have MANY, mainly because I've spent my time helping everyone else and not helping me.

In the reality of it all I am actually a shy person, I stay back out the way and hide in the shadows.
I reply and i talk but as my life experiences of late mainly involve being stuck in a shed with nothing else to do I don't have a lot to talk about, plus I have developed a hatred for slot cars and while its my job and in work i can talk about it a fair amount as well, it is my job, I don't enjoy it.

I like to talk about films, music, games and gigs. I'd say TV but I still don't watch a lot of it. An of course I like to learn new stuff, always wanting to fill my head with new knowledge and information. 

Want to know what destroys most of my relationships? 
When they stop talking to me. When my partner actually stops telling me about their day!
What is on their mind, what made them smile, what made them angry or what made them sad.

It is nice to chillout and relax but it's also nice to talk and chat about the day, the weather, the dreams and the nightmares. It's what we do, it's why social media works, we actually like to know that the day is going well for someone we care about, or don't care about as we are a very snoopy species.

It's possibly why my facebook rarely gets posted on, why my twitter gets posted on somewhat more. 
Facebook is for friends, Twitter is for random people.

I digress, I do that to as we know. 

So I want to be me, I want to remember who I was, an my memory of who I was is the guy that talked to people and listened. I was also creative and built and wrote stuff, yet that was always to only impress one person and I know this. Was all I was ever trying to do, right up until the end I was trying to do that, I was just trying to impress them how I thought they wanted to be impressed and you know what I was wrong.

It has never been about buying stuff it has always been about building things and creating things.

I am just lacking the inspiration at the moment, an while I fight to find it once more and I will and I shall try and impress her but it is possibly too late. I would also like to remember who I am, as I am really unsure of who I am. Which is down to that everyone I talk to has different memories of me and the only time I wasn't a chameleon was with her. So find me, remind me make me me once more.