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Tuesday, 26 November 2013

It's one of them days.

I often wonder who I would have been if events in my life hadn't dramatically altered the path I was on.
Would I have been as complicated. Would I have fluctuated so much in who I am and can be.
Would I have grown out of my anger. Would I have cared about anyone else but myself.
An there is the thing. I don't remember who I was before I died. I go by what I have been told and what I have discovered about myself and grown up hearing about the monster I was.
Was I ever that monster though?
Or was I just another alternative teenager who no one understood and was just picked on lots and bullied.
What in my past is true and what in my past is a lie.
I am used to being all over the shop. I really am shattered personality and forever changing idea's of who I am and everything else, you get used to it.
Yeah I could see the quack and get drugs and be all level and balanced, but then I'd not be me. I've seen friends go from incredibly creative and original to "normal" if you can say sat on the couch looking content to watch mindless drivel normal.
Now me I know I go through manic creative spells, which are becoming shorter and shorter as I appear to spiral into low moments now more often than I like.

I would rather be one person though and not many.

I'd rather be balance and happy, and to be balanced I have to be happy. An I haven't been that for a long time.....