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Friday, 29 November 2013

So tired of it all going wrong.

2013 never really got going for me.
I lost the woman of my dreams.
I have been turned down for every single job I have chased.
I have had things just go wrong when they shouldn't have.
Everything has failed to get off the ground.
Everyone is tired of me moaning, an just don't seem to hang around any more.
Everything I do seems to turn to mush.

2012 was amazing. I liked 2012 I loved 2012.
2013 has been a hard year so far.
2013 has seen the most beautiful and amazing lady I have ever known in my life turn from best friend to nothing.
2013 has seen new people come in and leave.
2013 has seen me be used, be abused and be treated like nothing more than a door mat.

I fought so hard to get what I had in 2012, and I continued to fight for it. I still would if I thought it was worth it, to me it still is, but to others it's not. Why struggle when you can make do.

I have watched my friends worlds fall to bits to and it's just been a year of upset and bullshit.

An this, the last thing of the year I had to look forward to has been taken away.

So I am sat in the cold, alone, and lost, tears rolling down my face, and who cares?

My life is just shocking, and I have been trying for so long to change it, it's all I seem to remember.

An I am so tired of it now. So tired of trying. Yet if I give up and accept it then I am not me.
All I have done is fight, fight and fight and for what? For nothing. Wasted energy wasted time and wasted effort in everything i have done.

This job, I can't escape. The person that I connected with so perfectly gone.
My home empty and cold, my work empty and cold, my world empty and cold.
Autumn year coming to an end, wishing my world was to. Shadows still playing in my mind of happier perfect times. Knowing the future knowing what would be seeing such an amazing and happy world a world I lived for a world I belonged in and a world I loved.

Seems I Was the only one that did I guess.

I'm so tired of it all going wrong. I'm so tired of nothing working out, I'm trying to find a way forward and it's not there.

No end in sight anymore, not even my own would stop this.

Broken and beaten I lay, lost beauty, lost purpose, lost space and lost in time. I shouldn't be. Yet I am.

Spent forever waiting for the one, got the one, lost the one. Yet they don't see that they changed I never really did. Lies within lies that were told to yourself to make things okay and they never were. An now, well that last broken promise. Not somthing I ever broke and never would have.

So, tears, an end, a loss, or just lost? Something please go right for me, just for once can something go right for me. Before I reach that point where I lose all hope and myself.