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Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Never confused when I'm lost.

I'm not overly lost or confused.
Never been one to lose my way.
Never understood much about me.
Don't understand and cant seem to work out why some things affect me how they do.
Once more I'm babbling to myself once more on here.
As always this is for me not for you.
Just to allow me to try and make sense of my babbling mind.

My friends are dear to me and always are.
Being so few people in my life I trust or rely on.
Sometimes you just have to realise that some of these people you should never have let in.

Though once more as always they cant see what they have done or are doing.

As always there is one I rely on.

As always there is one I cant seem to help.

Of course that is one that just fails to understand.

So I appear to be once more lost and alone though I'm not lost or alone.

My mind race's around with possibilities and different persona's and personalities as it always has.

Though the truth of it all the only person I'm actually failing as always is myself.

And before I start being informed I am good enough blah blah blah, please realise at the moment I am not. at this moment I don't have writers block, I don't seem to have lost my creative edge, I just don't have the want to do it.

I don't think its because I'm not good enough, I don't think its because I can't. I just don't want too.

As I just feel I'm wasting my time once more in my choices of what I am attempting to do. Which in turn leads me back to feeling like I'm failing myself.

Anger always turns inwards with me.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

BOREDOM took me back to my old MSN

As always I move MSNs from time to time we all do, we all have several address's.
Though this old one of mine I don't often go into some how it just gets automated people trying to link me to daft sites, so here for once i give you a conversation I'm having with one of these robots.

MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
hey cutie
ƒallen © says:
hi
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
Yay someone to talk to !! how are u? I found your name in the msn online members search
ƒallen © says:
okay, though this dont have my real name on it
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
Leanne, Just call me Lia
ƒallen © says:
hi lia
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
my roomates just stepped out I only have a little while alone... are u alone too? we should cam2cam
ƒallen © says:
with some one I only just met that I could consider is stalking me probably not.
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
K here's the link to my cam it's http://www.webcaminvitation.com/ayyj go there and you should see me, just click the join free tab on top of the page, I use this site cause you can't record it like on here -- my dad would kill me if he found out I was doing this kinky stuff on his computer lol
ƒallen © says:
ok
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
LOL aw you're cute.. well can u see my cam it was giving me trouble earlier but it looks ok now? oh I hope u dont mind chatting with a kinky girl!
ƒallen © says:
seven smurfs dont make a daisy chain
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
yeah i'm horny lolz! u? Wait you're not a stalker are u?? LOL
ƒallen © says:
dont you love copy and paste accounts or atomated people, depends on how you look at it, you came to me not me come to you. So all in all id say there wasnt a goldfish in haven that could hold a candel to the wizard
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
thank you baby! ok stop ur turning me on!!!
ƒallen © says:
theres a switch! shock gasp horror, surely it isnt that simple
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
Mhhm u never know lol I have to make sure! babe u sound confident I like that .. maybe we can trade phone numbers after we chat on cam ? I'd love to...
ƒallen © says:
only if you live on mars
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
....nice well u can also just watch me if u want....it's up to u oh babe what's your favorite color?
ƒallen © says:
Mahogany
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
make sure u fill out your correct b-day k? cause they won't let u in if you can't verify age I had to use my debit card to verify age but they don't charge, it's just to make sure you're not a kid
ƒallen © says:
Ive not been a kid since the goat's threw me out of the paddock
MalvinaPatteexgviq@hotmail.com says:
I'm gonna turn off Messenger so my cam doesn't run slow....plus I really want u to watch me, I'm getting so turned on it's driving me crazy
ƒallen © says:
and you off in the process have fun

Block Report Delete.

Well that was a whole 5 minutes I shall never get back.


Wednesday, 10 March 2010

..........

Ive not said or written owt for a while.
Stil dont think I Want too.

Friday, 26 February 2010

Televisions?

So I replaced my good old 27" CFT with a nice spangly 42" Plasma Wide screen, I was bored of having the black bars on movies as I didnt have a wide screen TV.
So now Im watching movies and Im still getting the damn wide screen bars.
According to the TV I shouldnt be but the damn movies come with them on!

WTF was the point in buying the telly if i still have to have the damn black bars?

Not impressed with this. Though It is easier to read the writting in my 360 games.

Friday, 5 February 2010

Entering the 31st year

So I have completed 30 years on this rock.
I now enter my 31st year.

Thank you for the kind wishes of the few that remembered with out being prodded.

To those that forgot or are too busy to remember friends birthdays.
Or just read this and went damn it.

So long and thanks for all the..........

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Panic, Shock or Awe?

Did I do the right thing.
Did I ge it wrong.
Did I not ask the write questions.
Did I say the wrong thing.
Its all speculation.
Words make me think one thing but other words make me think others.
I dont know if I got the job.
Above all I hope I have. I dont know if i have, been playing my cards close to my chest.
Locked up so much at the moment, I felt comfortable dont think I screwed up in there.
But lets be honest it only takes one badly thought out sentence.
Only takes one word out of place or one small body language.

I seen to have made a lot of bad choices of late.
I seem to have made snap decissions not used logic and got things wrong.
I think I could have been doing that for a while now.

Though I look back on hind sight and there is not a single thing I would have done different.
Not a single thing I would have said, and not a word that has passed my lips has been a lie.

I hope that I get to start over and I ge to where I want to be.
I dont want to run a scalextric site.
I dont want to go back into IT.
I dont want to go back to being retail.

I just want to work and do a good job and hope people are happy with what I do.

An I hope that I make the right decisions in the future about every thing else in my life.

Friday, 29 January 2010

7 deadly sins, 7 ways to win, 7 paths to hell.

7 days.
28 days.
1 day.
Its all time.
Time is something that forever gets shorter.
Time and idea's.
Idea's and decisions.
Processes thoughts patterns.
Words into actions.
Actions to results.
Results pass or fail.
All based on original decision.
Some days we make the right choices.
Most days we make the wrong choices.
Conversations, words and meanings.
Words make and break us all.

I've never minded hell, I can still smell & taste the sulphur even now.
I dont like walking on earth feeling like I'm in hell though.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Something sinister this way comes.....

In the back of my mind there is a me that I thought dead and burried.
In the back of my mind there lays dormant some thing different.
Far at the back like a distant ghost of a memory.
A being that was once in control.

My eyes have began to change.

From the darkness someone is rising.

Thursday, 21 January 2010

numbers

This is post 15.
I should probably stop now.