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Thursday, 30 January 2014

6 days till I gain level 35 also known as Thursday.

Not a lot, going on been kind of hidden from the world this week.
May stay that way for a bit, just yeah...........................................
Oh and on a brighter note I have just lost all my mondays off through February to night sessions.
Fucking job. Need Out. Why won't anyone hire me?
It's not like I don't want to work I do, it's not like I'm not charismatic, colourful, creative and fun. Most people say I am. Maybe it's the fact I just don't fit in anywhere. Ah well, when life gives you lemons add them to the vodka for taste. Or make ice cream. Or make sorbet. Or learn to juggle. Or pancakes. I think I miss pancakes. No I don't. Do I? I don't know. One of them weeks. Right back in my box I go................... 

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Is rock dead? Shouldn't the question is music dead?

In response to this massive blog. I say response I have been asking this questions myself for a while.

Music changes, it expands it retracts it adjusts and it alters, through time we have seen the singing of choirs in worship of deities, we have had the renaissance of Mozart and the likes, we have seen the rise of all manner of musical forms, which lead back from folk tales in song form, to the swinging 20's, 30's, 40's and so on to rock and roll of the 60's on to the metal in the 70's punk dragged us kicking and screaming into the 80's, we traversed the 90's with a mix of techno and rave before it moved into house music, and the new generation of rock came with it on the other side of the fence, we came across to the turn of the century and we were leveled by Nu Metal and Emo the baby sibling of the 80's goth generation. Though the haze of the memory kind of distorted what we got a little, the genre fractured into such a massive plethora of varying styles and types, no longer was there just rock, metal and punk, we got the cores, grind core, hard core, and so on.

With all these changes through music though came technological advances. Bards no longer wandering singing of things they had seen in the other village, going to the grand concert halls to see a full orchestra play the latest compositions from the great writers, as history moved forwards and technology advances, speakers, microphones, tech getting smaller allowing it to be positioned easier and faster, expanding the range of places music could be performed and we end up with the music festivals, and stadium performances of the bands we wanted to see.

An then we have this whole melancholy to see the greats. The bands that inspired the next generation of bands, of course they are still alive and with us though ageing because we grow old.

The line that makes me question within said blog was.

"Ginger Wildheart posted similar sentiments days after the Sonisphere headliners were announced. “It would appear that rock music is finally on the machine that goes bing,” he wrote. “The revolving door of (fewer than 10) worthy festival headliners indicates, to me anyway, that we have outlived the era of ‘big rock’.

I do love Ginger for his honesty and bluntness, though I can't agree with this, yes while there are possibly as few as 10 large festival bands left who can pull this off, no festival is pushing newer bands to the top spot. Download 2014 in the UK this year is giving Avenge Seven fold a shot at it though and while I am not a massive fan of them, and am unsure they really deserve it yet it is a step in the right direction, an while we have the staple of linkin park and aerosmith as well headlining it does make me as why is no one else taking the risk like this?

While the bands of the 70's and 80's still want to play it could be time to start allowing the 90's bands of which there are very few to take to the top spot and with this move a modern decade band the ability to try and show they are able to show a festival crowd there ability to wow the world.

While the record industry is on its arse due to the demise of the record store and the labels not wanting to push albums as you can record it and get rid of it online with out ever having to press a record, CD, tape! if you are old enough to remember the 8 track then them too. (I'm not)

An yes I have gone a lot of topic with this, but there are so many reasons for it, because it is such a wide topic to cover, the death of rock. The death of music. These are things that will never truly die, thy just go underground. We love music, I can't think of anyone that does not listen to music in one form or another.
Be it the clubbers, the guys in the pub or anywhere else, we use music to tell us stories, we use music to make us feel, to give us a beat to dance to and to share with friends. We talk about bands, we are even very set in our ways about who we like. We fight for the bands we care about we scream and shout in time with them when we see them play, we sing along and we learn the lyrics because they are singing for us and we want to sing along.

Even the one direction fans, the wanted fans and the other Canadian idiot, who I can't be bothered to name.
They buy their music they learn the songs and they watch them on all manner of media. Just like the metal heads, the rockers and the punks among us. But we get festivals, because Alternatives stand together cause we always stand out.

So yeah the bands think rock is dead, but they won't stop playing, they think festivals are going down the pan, well they aren't we still want to see you play, we still want to be entertained and we will keep buying what you let us hear.

But they have to keep working and while the greats and the classics are reaching retirement hahaha no rocker ever retires. The next generation need to pick up the gauntlet and run with it, an yeah there is only a finite number of rifts and notes, but there is a massive dictionary of words out there.

Thrashers, thrash, grungers grunge, metal heads JUMP, rockers rock and punks... Yeah put down the flaming dustbin.........

Music isn't dead, it just needs to accept that it needs to be bigger once more and take back what is rightfully it's. The fans.

Thoughts of a 34 year old never giving up never giving in metal head. . . . . . . . . . .

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Rantday I mean Thursday (sorry about all the bad language)

We all know I'm fairly laid back rather insane and generally not one to anger.
So whats happened in the last 7 days...........................................................
Well to be honest it has actually taken me 3 days to get angry.......................
So here we go with my week.

Hectic weekend, nothing new there, get through saturday with the help of the assistant.
Sunday hectic day on my own no assitant. Boss is in, thats okay she will hang on where's the boss?
Oh in the back playing Mahjong. Again. Right will cope always do.................................................
Sunday comes to a close party is running a little late because last one to arrive arrives late. No biggy can deal with this. Okay party is done, and all gone, 17:20 ah thats okay 10 minutes to clear out and will be home soon, where the boss? Oh playing Mahjong. Boss there gone lets get out of here. Oh no got to wait for her to now tidy up. Why didn't she do this when the party had started to wind down instead of waiting for everyone to leave?
Meh will just cash out and pack up my stuff..... Boss heard mumbling this would be a lot quicker if someone else would help instead of doing nothing. HANG THE FUCK ON! I have been on my feet since 11am, I have done a party, dealt with several customers and just run around like a headless chicken for 6 hours straight. There is one dishwasher it takes 3 minutes to do a cycle, it takes 2 minutes for one person to clear the pots while the cycle is going round, you don't need help you need to stop being a lazy fuck. This all kept under my breathe.

Monday, I like mondays, day off, Oh someone wants to meet, ace, they want to meet here also ace, oh they have changed the mind and now I have to drive even further, meh, okay. Small greasy spoon, okay will get a coffee, sit and wait, I'm early only by 5 minutes. Shall be fine, 20 minutes later she turns up, and after 4 days of talking and appearing she is actually rather interesting, fun, and intelligent and what turns up, boring, untalkative, and uninteresting. This unmaterialistic alternative with interests and head screwed on, turns out to be a hippy with not a single original thought in her head. WOW I really lucked out here.
Oh she is receiving a phone call and she is going to answer it and her friend is out of gas and stuck on a road in the middle of no where please come save me. YAWN, yeah saw that one coming. Why didn't you just say sorry not interested instead of spinning me all this bullshit, and then to email me afterwards with it was cool I made a new friend, well no actually you didn't I don't need more friends I never see or talk to so erm BYE.

Tuesday, so I knew i had a 4th date planned with the only girl so far to have kept my interest, still trying to workout if she would be worth trying with or not... She crashes into my car from behind while its stationary at a roundabout and there is loads of traffic around. I hadn't even put it in gear and the car in front of me hadn't moved. Yeah so great start to the evening, this is followed by a I don't have a driving license. YOU FUCKING WHAT! So yeah this ends up with me now going there will be no 5th date. Though she keeps texting me and emailing me apologising, okay how about you pay for the damage to my car. Only going to cost £1000 for the new bumper, new lights, and respray.

Wednesday, hunting parts for car, and trying to relax. Oh wait got to be in work at 6:45 for a 7:15 party. Okay it is the job you know it's my day off but yeah what ever. I get here at 6:45, party starts arriving 6:50 7:15 boss turns up. An then decides to vanish once more leaving everything to me. 10pm boss leaves moaning she didn't do anything. And why not because she turned up late if she had been here on time people would have been buying coffees and stuff and she would have done okay. As they were all asking if the coffee shop was open and at that time it wasn't as I didn't have cash boxes or the time to be doing her job as well as my own.

Thursday that would be today, turn up to work as always, odd phone call, general crap, booking and so on taken, boss, I am leaving at 3 to go do my household shop... Hang the fuck on a minute I have to do my household shop on my day off, after work, or whenever I can fit it in. What the fuck is that all about!
Then I have plans for tomorrow, going to a gig, I like gigs, so have to be out of here early to get changed and so on and drive to nottingham. All good, Oh no, I have to stay here till 5pm, an if we have customers in I have to stay here till we are finished. HANG THE FUCK ON once more I booked tomorrow as a half day months ago. Yet no allowed it, and don't even get me started about the week off I was told I was getting back in septem... Octob... Novem.... Decem.... Janu.... as it kept getting pushed back. It is now february over my birthday but it's not weekends Oh no its monday to friday. An if we get night sessions I shall lose the day. Yeah fuck off will I. Oh and to make it just that little more annoying I just had a phone call asking if they could book in for 5pm tomorrow and I have just had to explain to them that we wouldn't be able to do a 5pm booking on friday as I have to be somewhere else at that time, to which they got all snotty with me. Well you see if this company was run as a company and not as someones personal piggy bank then maybe just maybe I'd have been able to take the booking but you know what I have the right to have a life. An I am going to try and have one. Yeah I am going to a gig, yeah it's not with the person I wanted to but with an acquaintance as that was the only person that wanted to go, Ha an acquaintance known them since they were 6 years old.

So far this year not a lot has phased me to be honest, just reached that point where I have been so laid back it was time to just stand up and shout.
I've had a fucking nough.
Oh and for all those going well at least you have a job at least you are getting paid.
Yeah it works like this I work on average tuesday to sunday every single week, I lose mondays off in school holidays, I haven't had a weekend to myself in forever, I have no social life as I am to knackered after running around all day to go out at night, I have fuck all friends left as no one bothers even asking me if I want to do something, I can't hold a relationship down once it gets passed sex as well I am never around due to the job and getting time off is like trying to get blood out of a stone. I earn 10,400 a year. Yeah thats all I get paid shit aint it.
I have a house to run and two cats to feed, I am usually broke constantly.

Oh and every job I apply for never seems to get back to me. Not even to tell me sorry you haven't been successful this time.

So there you go my week, my fucking awful week, ah well. Out the system now.
Savings account gone, no 3D printer next month now :(

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Update Day I mean Thursday!

So another week another blog.
No idea how my dad is, they moved his operation from friday to tuesday, all I know he is home and moaning and in pain thats it. Should probably go see him.... Bit busy..... Will probably be asleep.... Lose half hour going and checking or work.... I'll work on something. got another update. Some bits fixed and some new projects I have done loaded into it.

Yeah thats it, you don't want to hear about continually being stood up by possible dates.

It's annoying but such is life.

Gig a week on friday and spare ticket I think.... No I know I have she isn't going to contact me and go and even if she did I would probably tell her to late or tough or not interested.

Birthday is closing in and yeah Welcome to Level 35.

Download is looking better gradually, still no idea who I am going with if anyone will probably be me on my todd. Not done that EVER. Could be exciting. Could be a nightmare. Will think about it around May.

Still no news back on the job front loads of things applied for nothing heard back......

I am now using the Aspire for my electric cigarette and while it tastes nicer than the Evod, just don't know seems to bubble and compress a bit. Might have to go back to the Evod though thats fairly messy to fill.
I have ordered a new head bit though which is slightly more expensive but its glass not plastic and seems to work on the same type of action bottom feeding coil, will see what that is like, I might just stop all together....... No can't risk that, nicotine and brain impulses and yeah long story and possibly the only thing stopping my mind from going off the deep end.

nope got nothing else here at the moment thats my week that was.

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Want to do something.... New.

Age old issue with any design based person is that there will always come a point where you get fed up of what you are working on and want to work on something.... New.

An this is my problem I want to do something NEW exciting and Different. I can keep giving myself tasks and jobs and ideas but they are things I want to do and as such are pretty much the same thing over and over, new character, new weapon, new back ground, new race. Though none of them are new they are all in place in my head and just coming to the surface at different times. Now I know how this reads, oh you have had enough of working on what your doing and want to move on you never finish anything blah blah blah.

You would be wrong, I often step in and out of what I am working on thats why I am working on three games at once to give me the ability to change and switch and move and things not get stale, what I am talking about is that I want to do something totally different, something not mine. I want a brief and then be left to go and build it that is what I want, I don't care what it is though I would like to stay away from games design, I just want to go and let my head run for a while and do something completely NEW.
Not one of my idea's not something that comes with a this is how it looks make this fit this and get on with it it needs to be exactly like that, what I want is for someone to go.
"I have this idea, it should end up like this hazy thing inside my head that I can't quite make sense off and here is everything I have written on the subject in my head. Go build, make, design, write, draw, doodle this and keep showing me till it matches what is in my head please".
That is what I want to do, that is what I need to do, just to try and mix my mind up a bit.

I have no muse I have no one to impress so I have no real urge to start anything new of my own. Just finish what I have but I have this want and desire to create and without a muse I struggle so I need an outside source.

So blog world that is what I am hunting not a muse but an outer source of inspiration. So inspire me.

Friday, 10 January 2014

Books And Covers

We all do it, I even do it. I think I do any way. I'm never sure, I generally try not to, I usually give the level of doubt, I study I watch I learn and slowly, ever so slowly, I work my way into their head and discover the person underneath. I read the pages of the person and gather my information through conversation, through jokes, through watching body language and just listening, watching remembering.

Yet they look at me, they think freak.
They look at me they think stoner.
They look at me and think he is in a band.
They look at me and think he's a drinker.
They look at me and they never truly learn who I am.

Painted and labeled all my life.
Because I won't cut my hair, I won't keep my beard in order and I will change it as and when I feel like it, because I wear black, because I wear a trench coat, because I am so random and yet I try to be funny.

I don't like people thinking of me as a stoner or a hippy.

I'm me and thats a random box of possibilities and realities mashed together in a big ball of Fallen. I like being Fallen. So next time when you take a look at someone, anyone don't jump to a conclusion because you are probably wrong.

Oh and just to let you all know. I am Anti Drugs, I rarely Drink Alcohol, I have given up smoking and I try to be a nice person, but I will call a spade a spade and if you judge me I will tell you where to go. An possibly not politely.

Thursday though its actually friday...

Another week, worlds still not really there in order, trying to attain to the variations of date and weeks and holidays with the days off and missing points that find me out of line a little more than usual, normally things like this would sort themselves out fairly simply with a few sleeps and days off but generally I am still a little lost on what day of the week it is. So am trying to sort it and get days back in order in my head.

That and this is the week so many anniversaries of deaths. which pass by and memories are wander to my relatives that die so commonly at this time of year, and the birthdays and rejoicing that also comes at this time of year. Which once more brings me back into an issue of that my father went in to hospital today for a rather serious operation that I don't understand with a 50/50 chance of success and a 50/50 chance of not coming through the other side at all, so that plays on my mind a little in some way, but that is life isn't it.
It comes with birth and ends with death and there is always the chance you can walk out the door and end up in a box and this is something I understand and accept and always have. Yet this is playing on my mind a little if not a lot what if it goes wrong, what would I do, I don't think it will but those chances still play through my head, and out of all the family by his side at this moment I am not there because as always I was told to work. So here I sit working wondering thinking pondering and being fed up as once more I get pushed into the shadows and kept out the way.

Job wise keep looking, keep applying, keep waiting to hear things back, always seem to be waiting.

And once more the new year, brings new personality traits, new versions of me created and formed and new understandings of a world I walk through once more alterations to perceptions and possibilities and a path that I still can't seem to find. With footing that is to loose to hold me up, but I walk it head held high, attempting to control an ego that could turn from confidence to arrogance within a heartbeat and seeing this memory of what I was what I am what I can be a fallen without a direction is a dangerous thing to be. Yet it can always be fun.

Thursday, 2 January 2014

First Thursday 2014

The last week mainly work and holiday stuff all very boring.

So Plan, there is a plan!

After many years of mainly pushing web design, art work, graphics and generally being a little boring with what I promote of myself. I'm going to put it all up. I am going to show off all the projects everything.

Though as I sit here thinking about this thats probably not a lot.

Or is it?

Wait and see, whole new sections going onto my portfolio website.

Project Jars will be making an appearance, once I have taken photos.

This largest project I have ever done will also be appearing. Yep Scalextric Racing and what it actually took to design this place and what i had to learn and discover will be coming up.

Then of course the other little things. Things you would never think of. Or maybe you would. I don't know but still. 

Any way that's the diary for this week, nothing to write home about and 2013 is now locked away in a black box in my head never to be opened.

Welcome to the new world.

Happy New Year Peeps.